Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
