Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need to align my fucking chakras
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