They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
