Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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