he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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