just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
