she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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