fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
