Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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