Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
