I think i peed on brittanys purse
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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