I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
