Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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