no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
