cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
