Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
