the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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