The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
