Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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