anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
