He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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