the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
