I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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