Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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