Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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