i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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