I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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