I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.