I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....