I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
