She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
