Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
