I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think my moral compass just broke
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
