I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
