need another drink. this is the easiest way
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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