The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
