So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
