I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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