So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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