Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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