You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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