We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
