I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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