there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
