Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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