i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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