and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
