i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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