4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone shattered a urinal.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
