Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
