there was a trapeze. enough said
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
