The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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