help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
