elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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