I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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