i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
