I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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