My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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