dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
