hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
