saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
