why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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