The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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