you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Even my vagina gasped.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
