I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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