Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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