So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
