Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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