I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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