Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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