remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
