If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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