so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
