I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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