dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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